I’m not sure quite how to phrase this, since it is confusing even to me.

I have been following the diet for several weeks now, without any discernable improvement in my sex drive, and while this is frustrating, I know there is more I could be doing, so I’m not giving up yet.

What frustrates me is knowing the natural advantage sexually men have over women from birth. Orgasm is almost a guaranteed phenomenon, and there is the security of having a physical and psychological release of tension in times of stress. When women are stressed, sex drive is usually the first thing to go. With men, it’s the last. It’s what they do to relieve stress.

Beyond even sex drive, I resent the chaos that comes with extreme hormonal fluctuations every month. Men are constant when it comes to hormones: high in testosterone, lower in estrogen—the same every day. They don’t have to deal with suicidal thoughts each month or the typical physical changes like breast soreness and bloating.

I have always been told to embrace my femininity and Mother Nature’s big plan, but honestly, the physiological processes and cyclical nature of female biology sickens me. (Not on an intellectual level, but personal.) I have no desire to reproduce, to have intercourse, and so on. I feel like my body exists solely for men and children, but instead it just gets in the way of finding genuine security and comfort.

I have no true gender identity conflicts; I don’t feel myself to be internally male, as a transsexual would. I simply envy the biology of men--the sense of power, of security. I once told this to a male therapist, who laughed and said, “Come on, now. Be glad your female! Without women, there’d be no more babies!”

And a fourteen-year old male friend of mine once said, “Girls are always bitching about cramps and that time of the month, but try being a guy and having to hide a hard-on in the middle of class.” Riiiight. I understand the potential embarrassment factor he was alluding to, but let’s compare two separate physiological events: Pain caused by muscle spasms with the shedding of uterus lining or spontaneous blood flow to the genitals resulting in highly pleasurable sensations and dopamine release. I think the cramps win.

Other women I’ve spoken to don’t seem to understand where I’m coming from either, or sympathize by saying the worst of being female is—again—having to deal with monthly cramps. (Although I have those too, they pale in comparison to severe migraines, impacted bowels, wanting to die, trying to die.)

I don’t mean to write a novel, here. Basically, I resent having been born female. I can see both sides of the cultural argument, but I’m convinced men have it better biologically. I’m sure I sound bitter, and I am. Perhaps this all sounds very strange to you; or perhaps not, but I’m curious to get your perspective, because much of what you’ve written in the book really resonated with me.

Men only have one sexual advantage. Their sexuality is more durable, and that's all. In a time of famine, it's to a woman's evolutionary advantage to lose her sexual appetite, because if she gets pregnant, she could die. Men do not run that risk from sex, so their sexuality functions even in dire circumstances.

Modern lifestyle has put us in dire circumstances. Our bodies think we are starving.

In particular, you are on antidepressants. They are used to treat premature ejaculation, they work so well at depressing the libido.

My sexuality is far superior to almost any man's. I have stronger libido, easier orgasms, more orgasms, more types of orgasms. By any measure you choose, my sexuality is far superior and much more dependable than the vast majority of men.

Give yourself some time, too. I'm almost three times older than you. It takes longer for a woman to grow into her sexuality because it is more complicated, generally, than a man's.

Thanks. Those are really good points.

You write that your libido is stronger than almost any man’s, and after reading your book, I would probably agree! But, I’m wondering why this is.

Clearly there is more to a woman’s sex drive than testosterone, but I was always under the impression that it plays such a large role in men’s sex drive that it explains why most men want and think about sex all the time and most women don’t (or if they do, to a lesser degree.)

I’ve heard various statistics on the age women reach their sexual “peak.” Some say twenty-three, when testosterone levels are at their highest; others mid-thirties, when women, on average, become more comfortable with their sexuality and can reconcile the cultural messages imposed from an early age.

I’m guessing it’s harder to pinpoint because there are so many more factors involved in a woman’s sex drive than a man’s. What’s your take on this?

The libido thing is only one aspect of my problem. I think I’ll be much happier once I begin to figure the whole PMS puzzle and cyclical nature of my depression.

I’ve also had trouble accepting my body after a very rapid weight gain of about sixty pounds due to insulin resistance, but I’ve been feeling so much better (most times of the month) since incorporating the fish oil into my daily regimen, and I want to thank you for that.

I definitely want to work more on lowering the Effexor further and staying on just Wellbutrin and Lamictal (which, in my experience, has not affected my libido).

Unfortunately, each time I’ve gone below 1/3 of my original dose of 225, I have not only the usual physical withdrawal, but constant suicidal thoughts and incessant crying, which is not characteristic of me at all on the meds (save for “that time of the month.”)

I’m not sure anything can really be done about this—the fish oil helped me lower from 225 to 75, which is great—but I can’t seem to go any lower without slipping into major depression. It’s frustrating, but when it comes down to it, I’d sacrifice my sex drive for my sanity and life.

I’m also interested in purchasing one of the PC muscle toners, but living at home, without my own credit card, I’m not sure I can order online and be inconspicuous at the same time! As far as I’m aware, there aren’t any available for purchase in stores, are there?

By the way, I sent you a message on your myspace blog. Your blog popped up on a google search, and it looks like an interesting read!

Men also have naturally higher dopamine than women.

I tried to explain how everything fits together scientifically in my book--it's the interaction of everything--hormones, neurotransmitters, circulation, muscle tone.

At your age I wouldn't worry about muscle tone, although one of those small decorative stone eggs can be used as a muscle exerciser in a pinch.

In my opinion, women reach their sexual peak when they become vaginally orgasmic. When that happens varies, and more than half of women never get to that point. But I can't help thinking that way from my own experience.

Try to get out for a moderately brisk 45-minute walk every day in the sunshine. That will also help with chronic depression, along with my diet.

As for my blog, I was keeping myself quiet for a year while my official publicity was going on. The mainstream media likes their experts to fit in with a certain female type. And self-help books always must have happy endings.

The thing is, if I had been in an emotionally fulfilling marriage, I would never have discovered my diet, because I would have chalked up my sexual experiences to the relationship, not physiology. But because it was so bad, I was able to see what was happening to me for what it was. But also because it was so bad, I've been emotionally damaged. I can't help that, it's part of me. And also having dozens of orgasms a day changes a person.

Publicity is done, I don't have to hide who I am anymore.