Just turned 47 no signs of menopause, periods are regular. All I can say is Hallelujah & yippy to myself for finding my way here. Thank you Marrena for your research, your book & this site. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship with a angry, controling, manipulative man for 3 1/2 years that ended 2 1/2 years ago. Very early on, like the first week we were together he started to withhold a sexual relationship from me. Telling me I was too needy & pressuring him to perform. Instead he would ask & would perform hours of massage, thinking it would relax & get him in the mood, it never did. This made no sence to me, as I would go thru weeks & months of being pushed away, or being told don't ask. He was in his early 30's, & me in my early 40's at the time. When we did have sex it was good, but evenually it became too emotionally painful for me, becouse it was so good & I knew weeks or months would pass before we would get that close again. I have always been in very sexually active relationships & altho this didn't make sence I had a strong loyalty streak that did not serve me well in that relationship. I realized thru study on the internet, with my 1st computer,after the relationship ended that he had all the signs & behaviors of a disorder called borderline personality disorder. I suffered from a equally debilitaing condition called codependency & low self esteem that caused me to settle for less than I desired or deserved, It felt abnormal, but I felt that together we could work thru our issues. I thought (he) had ended our relationship becouse he did not want to work on his anger problem as I had started, thru counseling. When I went back to get some of my belongings from the home we shared, 2 weeks after the break up I found signs (womens lacy panties) he had already moved on & when I confronted him he said he had been seeing his ex for some time. I had been truly clueless... My saddness turned to rage. Rage at him & myself for all the lies & trama I had believed & endured. All in the name of love & devotion. When behind the curtain, he was living a totally different story & feeding me a big bowl crap that at the time I believed, hook, line & sinker. It sent me into a huge tail spin of feelings of deep betrayal on many levels. I can remember about a month before I moved out & he was out of town, I had a masterbating session with myself & cam 20 or more times with a vibrator in a few hours. Thruout my life since early teens & thruout that relationship, I never had any trouble orgasming & could achive as many as I desired. Before him, I had never been with a man who woke up with an erection & would push my hand off & opt for a massage. It was some time after I moved out (Maybe a month, no longer) that I tryed to masterbate & found no to little sensation in my clitoris. Not being quitter, for months I kept trying. I all but got tunnle carple on my attempts (with a vibrator) and yes this stressed me out further & I'm sure made attempts even more difficult. Orgasms were weak, no where near the intensity, length & not even close to the same sensation as before, I felt lucky to have one lil' as I called them tweek! Never mind about mind blowing or even having more than one. I was so fustrated, here I had done without a sexual relationship for so long & now I felt my body was betraying me & with holding my sexuality from me further. I had started to study Louise Hay, who talks about the mind, body connection. I felt like there was a small cap over my clitoris & I couldn't find my pleasure spot. I worked on forgiving him, forgiving me. Learning to repair all those broken emotional parts in me & fall in love with myself & who I am. I feel whole now, I now enjoy some lovers/friends with benifits relationships & exploring & getting back in touch with the sexy creature I am. And no men are pushing my hands away...And if that were to happen I would now run like my hair was on fire! I have not had my ability to orgasm with ease or the stronger sensations or quanity to improve much. Some...but not even close to before. I find it interesting that I have more cliteral sensation when a lover touches me & when by myself, I must now do more extended fantacy. But I'm on a mission now of self pleasure & returning to my healthy sexual self. I have not lost the sexual desire. I was thrilled to find out thru your book, that my sexual desire is a very good sign. I am also excited to have found your book & to have started the program full tilt 4 days ago. Just a few days into the program, I saw a male friend the market, I got a whiff of his manly colonge & felt a wash of wonderful tingly sensations around my clit. Now thats something to write home about!!!! I truly feel I have worked thru the emotional trama of all that relationship entailed, but my question to you Marrena is, what are your thoughts on the effects of being in such a abusive having sex withheld & the betrayal that I experienced can have on a womans sexual function? And how could this or would this tamper with the bodies natural functions. Any other thoughts would be appreciated ~Peace
Well that's sort of why I seized on the diet when I found it. I believe clitoral orgasms require a certain level of trust from a woman. I also believe vaginal orgasms don't. It gives women an alternative. And the diet certainly raises libido.
I don't know much about relationship issues, sorry I can't help you there.
If possible in further posts, could you use paragraph breaks please? It makes it really hard to read without them.
Hi Marrena, I just checked in after nearly 6 months have past. Guess I had a chip on my shoulder at your seemingly (to me anyway) insensitive reply about "not knowing much about "relationship issues, sorry, can't help you there". I felt shot down after opening up so deeply about this sensitive issue for me. And your comment about paragraph breaks, felt like another zinger. Not all of us are as paragraph sauvy as you & others. You may not know much about "relationships issues" but couldn't you have just squeezed out just one lil' compassionate statement like "Sorry you went thru that, tho I don't know much about relationship issues but...I can surely hear how what you went thru could have many negative effects on your emotions and possibly your ability to orgasm". Perhapes it was my lack of use of paragraph breaks that inspired your tart responce, or perhapes I'm just a little hyper-sensitive after what I've gone through with the ex and now my still lingering ability not to orgasm easily after 3 frickin years, has me a little on edge...In any case, I just needed to vent this. I am very grateful for your research & was pleased as punch when I checked in yesterday and found your recomendation to a another poster to check out bermansexualhealth.com where you are very active as well. Only wish you would have made that same recomendation to me as there is an abundance of relationship issues discussed there frequently. Keep up all the good you do...
I suck at relationship issues, honestly. I am a poster child for what NOT to do in a relationship. I only know sexual physiology--hormones, neurotransmitters.
I should have thought to recommend you to Jennifer Berman's board, sorry I didn't think of that. From now on I will recommend that board to women who come here asking questions I can't answer.
Thank you Marrena for your responce to me...And thank you once again for all the reasearch you've done for all of us. My chip has fallen off! Enjoy all the sucsess cumming your way in the New Year!!! xx's
zaneblue.org 
