When me and my sister were little, she played with dolls, I however likes to read books, or play with the cat.

For as long as I can remember, I just haven't been bothered with having children. It's not that I don't like them, I just don't feel that warm fuzzy feeling of motherhood calling. Everyone says 'you will change'. I don't want children becuase

1) It can really affect your body, outside as well as in. My cousin's a midwife, and what she's seen is not nice!

2)It can ruin your sex life. Never mind the body issue, what about the fact you have no time to yourself anymore, the sleepless nights, the tiredness?

3)You don't have as much time with your partner anymore

4)You don't have as much time for your hobbies

5)I think if you want children, you must look after them no matter what, so what if my child tunred out to have heavy autism? I don't think I could cope with anything like that


6)Nearly everyone I know (including me), comes from an unhappy family.

7)If I really hated my partner for whatever reason, I would be so scared of me hating my children too for reminding me of him

8)Your work never ends. You spend all day at work, wanting a rest, then you have someone needing you all the time, you can't rest.

When I tell people my feelings, they say things like "Who'll look afer you when you're old?". But you shouldn't have kids for that reason! I just feel like a freak. I'm a very giving person, and I'm often described as very caring. I have a lot of love to give. It's just I feel so different from other women my own age that are busy cooing inside the prams

Children are a lot of work, and it's basically a twenty-year commitment of work. You are being very sensible. People should only have children if they really want them.

Titiana, not all women are cut out to be mommies and there is nothing wrong with that fact.

It's better to know that and take steps to prevent an unwanted child (I'm talking about tubal ligation/sterelization and not abortion) than to become pregnant and be required to raise (or give up for adoption) a child you don't want. You could easily become angry and resentful at having to raise this child, and no matter how you try to hide it the child will know it and will grow up mentally twisted.

We have more than enough twisted people in the world, we really don't need more so I applaud your decision.

As for the people who don't understand this and ask you why you don't want kids tell them it's a personal decision and change the subject. End of story. If they persist- and 'well-meaning' people sometimes do- politely tell them they don't have a need to know and walk away. You don't need people harrassing you about this topic.

I'm still shocked there are people who will walk up to a pregnant woman and place their hands on her belly! How very rude and insensitive. Different sceniario, same idea. It's personal.

I whole heartedly recommend you look inside youself, make sure this is what you truly believe, then talk with a doctor about a tubal ligation. If, later down the line, you decide differently they can (sometimes) be reversed and you will be able to have a child.

Think long and hard about that, though. Surgery is a serious thing to undergo and not to be taken lightheartedly.

Good luck to you!

I think an IUD would also be a good solution, less invasive than surgery.

And an IUD can be removed if you do happen to change your mind.

There is nothing at all wrong with you and I also think you're being very wise. I've never understood why some people find it necessary to try to talk someone into wanting to have children. You either want them or you don't. I have 2 kids and love them dearly, but being a parent is extremely hard, exhausting work. I couldn't imagine taking this on if I hadn't had the desire to do it.

Titania,

I was the complete opposite of you growing up. I LOVED babies and wanted to be around them all the time. From as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a mother. I now have three beautiful boys. I could never imagine anyone telling me that I shouldn't have kids. I knew what was right for me.

On the same note, you should not let anyone influence your decision to not want kids. I've always said, I'd rather see people choose to not have kids than to have them just because and have other people raise them. It is a challenging job that you can't quit, even when it gets exhausting...physically and mentally.

I am divorced and I think it was a case of hormonal changes after having my third son. I felt very unattractive, unappreciated, and like my only purpose was to respond to every screaming 'Mommy!'

I'm starting to ramble, just wanted to say please don't have a child unless you REALLY want it. That would say more about you as a person.

MP

For about three 2 months, I went a little bit mad. I started to get really sentimental about kid's toys, books etc. I like the idea of being pregnant, of that special link with someone else, and of being able to create another human being.....but I don't like the reality of it. Sometimes even though I don't fuss over children, my body can be very clever. I feel an urge lol 'I want to get pregnant by ' urge! I don't want to have a family, and babies don't really appeal to me, but when I'm feeling really high from love, I just get that urge! Very cavewoman-ish!

Sometimes I feel that I want to want children, just to make it easier for myself in relationships - I risk a lot of rejection

You just need to be upfront about not wanting children. There are plenty of men out there who feel the same way.

And, again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you!

I don't want children either. I simply would not enjoy being a parent, and I believe children deserve to be enjoyed.

Funny story: My husband and I were actually trying to get pregnant - it was part of the checklist you see: finish grad school,get married, buy house, have baby. Fortunately we were over at a friend's house and one of the other guests had her 2-week old baby along. It was passed around and we all made the expected cooing noises. I made a point of handing it to my husband and, he held it carefully, looked down at it for a moment and then whispered to me "You actually want one of these??"
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I whispered back "I thought you wanted one!" He looked at me indignantly and whispered "I thought YOU wanted one!!"

I carefully took the baby back to it's mom and told my husband "we need to talk - NOW". We went home and had a long talk - turns out neither of us was really excited about the baby thing, but we were both willing to do it because we each thought the other person really wanted it.

Six years and one IUD later we are very happy together. When anyone asks about kids we reply (often in perfect chorus)"No. We have cats!!" With really big, happy grins. It usually shuts them up very fast

There are plenty of men and women out there who are wonderful people who simply recognize the fact that, for whatever reason, they have no desire to take on the immense task or parenting. That kind of self knowledge is to be admired.