Hi Marrena, I was reading some of your posts on His and Hers Sexual Health and you seem very knowledgable about loss of sensation in the clitoris and inability to orgasm from a vibrator.

In my case, I started masturbating aroud age 14 with the jacuzzi jets in the bath tub. I have been using a vibrator since about age 16 and I am 21. It is a Hitachi Magic Wand which I have heard is very strong. I have only climaxed a few times in my life with manual stimulation. I have never reached orgasm with a partner.
I am scared that my clitoris is permanantly desensitized and I will not ever be able to reach an orgasm from manual stimulation or oral sex.
I also have a severe anxiety disorder and I am on Paxil, Wellbutrin, and Ativan. I didn't even think these medications might effect my ability to reach orgasm until I saw one of your posts. In addition I am on the birth control Loestrin24.

Thank you

Hi Vicky, I'm not the one your asking the question, but I recognize some things and I want to share my experience with you, maybe it helps.

10 weeks ago I thought I would never ever orgasm manually. I'd been masturbating with waterpressure in the bathtub since I was 12 and I had been using a 220 volt backmassager (way more powerfull than a normal vibrator) since I was 14. My first real vibrator I bought when I was 18, the Durex Inspiration, didn't really do much for me. It was sort of tingling and I thought the product sucked. Than my next vibrator didn't really do much as well... Uh-oh.

So 10 weeks ago I thought I would never come without a powerplug nearby. And it made me very sad because the backmassager was too big to use while my BF and I had sex. And sex didn't do very much for me either.

Then I bought the Orgasmic Diet (this sounds like an ad- I'm sorry) and learned that the pill could be responsible for my total lack of libido. When I went surfing on the internet I found many women who suffered depression and severe anxiety problems who claimed their problems all went less and less the longer they stayed off hormonal birthcontrol.

I at that point, 19 and struggling with severe anxiety problems (I got panic attacks in the supermarket, in a train, I slept 12-14 hours a night, was tired all the time and didn't bother to get dressed) thought that was enough reason to quit. Since I came of Yasmin: (birthcontrolpill)

- I haven't cried. (While on I cried every single day)
- I became a completely diffrent person (BF is very glad I'm sort of back)
- I have a sense of silence and rest in my head
- I'm way less anxious, less scared
- I didn't have one panic attack
- I no longer feel 'numb' towards everyone and everything

I'm 20 now and I still have a long way to go. These syntetic hormones are in your body and it takes several months to filter them out. The first weeks after coming off I felt like an addict trying to quit. My mind went all over the place for a while, it was a rollercoaster rough patch. But the longer I'm off, the better I feel. I also have less and less of the emotions that seemed to come from no-where. (Feeling angry/sad/or totally nothing without a real reason)

The doctors are going to tell you that the pill has absolutely nothing to do with your anxiety problem. Yeah. Trust me, it certainly doesn't help. Here are some links you may want to check out:

Article about the pill and mental health:
http://www.aphroditewomenshealth.com/news/hormones_depression.shtml

Survey about Hormonal Birth Control and what women experience:
http://www.geocities.com/nullphonic/hbc/

Board with women who experienced mental health issues because of the pill:
http://www.aphroditewomenshealth.com/forums/ubbthreads....ubb=postlist&Board=7

OK, back to the clitoral sensitivity part- I red the Clitoral 101 from the Orgasmic Diet, did exactly what it said and within 3 weeks I had my first clitoral orgasm without a vibrator EVER! I can have one during sex now too! The coming-in-front-of-someone requires trust. When I first wanted to come during foreplay with my Supervibrating Backmassager- I simply couldn't. Which is strange, but BF was watching and for some reason thats something you need to get comfortable with before you can have an orgasm.

I don't know anything about the three diffrent medications you name there, but I guess they won't help you achieve orgasm. They change levels of whatever in your body and most of the time, that doesn't mean for good. If they work the same way as anti-depressants, well, in the Orgasmic Diet you can read how high serotin-levels kill your sex-drive. But that may or may not be the case, it depends on how they work.

When my doctor wanted to give me anti-anxiety medication I declined because I was scared. I didn't have control over myself and didn't want to lose it any further. Then he told me to see a psychiatrist (in April, but due to waitinglists it took a few months to get there) Now I just got my first appointment with her and she said hormonal medication like the pill may cause already existing problems to get out of hand. I already feel waaaaay better since coming off the pill but I'm not functional the way used to be. I hope coming off the pill combined with her help is going to cranck me up to normal and get on with my life.

I wish you all the luck and strength and hope you find your solution soon!!!
.

I am so pleased you were able to orgasm during sex without a vibrator! Congratulations!

I am also pleased that your psychiatrist sounds like she knows what she is doing.

And by all means, don't worry about sounding like an ad--the more women who buy my book and learn about these things, the better!

Thank you for your response Hollie! Your story is very encouraging! I am definitely going to read the books you mentioned. I don't think the birth control has much to do with my anxiety though. I remember having my first panic attack at age 3. Around age 13 I started medication due to my debilitating anxiety. I did not start birth control until age 16 to control pain during periods. I was on it for a year or so then I decided I didn't need it. I was off for a year or two. After that I decided to go back on and have been for about two years. I haven't noticed a difference in my anxiety on or off the birth control and I lead a normal day to day life.

What I was concerned about was I read something that antidepressants like Paxil can make some women physically incapable of having an orgasm. At times I have difficulty urinating, I feel like I have to go very badly but I can't. Because of this I'm concerned there is something wrong with the muscles down there. However when I go to the gynocologist they always mention that I have strong muscles. So I am not sure what to think.

Thanks!
Vicky

Also, I don't notice a lack of libido at all, I want to have sex and am able to become aroused, I just can't reach orgasm.

If you are on Paxil, etc. you might NEED a vibrator to be able to reach orgasm. No harm in that, the important thing is to be able to have orgasms.

I know my diet helps with depression, it also might help with panic attacks--it makes a person very relaxed and easygoing. On the other hand, it might not. If you are stuck with taking medications, perhaps your doctor can recommend one that doesn't interfere with orgasmic ability?

Hey Vicky, good to hear your libido doesn't suffer from the medication! So hormonal birthcontrol doesn't affect your mental health, thats good. I'm sorry to hear your anxiety problems aren't going to be solved as easily as mine though.

If you have a difficulty urinating because you can't relax your muscles, do you notice the same thing sometimes when you try to wear tampons or you want to insert your fingers/a vibrator in your vagina? Having to go- but not being able to release sounds like a big problem to me. Maybe you want to call you Gynecologist, just to ask what she/he thinks about it?

Good luck!

Vicky,

Among other things, I have anxiety issues too. I'm on 5 different psychotropic meds - 2 of them for anxiety. I only recently read Marrena's book and only just got on this site today so I'm not an expert on any of this but I have tried MANY different medications over the years. So here's my take on your current meds:

Paxil is an SSRI - a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (right?). I've been on 2 SSRI's: Prozac and C???? (can't remember the exact name anymore) and both prevented me from having orgasms. I still had drive but I could barely ever have orgasms at all. I've always had trouble having them with a partner but had almost never had trouble having them alone EXCEPT when I was taking SSRI's. I found it almost impossible most of the time. If you're willing to consider asking your psych about it, there are other meds for anxiety that are not in the SSRI group.

Buspar is one of them. As far as I understand it and use it, it works better for generalized anxiety and has an overall calming effect. It's not so good for a fast acting solution to a panic attack or social / event anxiety situation. I'm pretty sure there are also some newer non-SSRI anti-anxiety meds on the market now. I haven't done much research on newer meds recently. But I'm sure you'd find some with a little research.

Also, you said you take Ativan. If I recall correctly, it's a benzodizepan : a med that's part of the category of the more refined version of Valium. Withing that category, there is also Xanax, Lorazepam, Clonazepam and maybe a couple of others. Off the top of my head, I thought I remembered reading that Ativan doesn't last as long as say Xanax or Clonazepam (brand name Klonopin). If the Ativan is for short-lived panic attacks then it may be the best one for you but if you want something longer acting, you might want to ask your doc.

But as far as having orgasms go, for me I don't know whether the Clonazepam (which is in the same class of drugs as your Ativan) has had a negative effect or not. If so, it's minor compared to the seriously problematic effects of the SSRI's.

Also, I wonder, both for you and for myself if the benzodiazepans, Ativan and/or Klonopin are actually helpful, sexually speaking. I wonder if any negative sexual side effects they might have might actually be outweighed by the fact that they help you to relax enough to get to a point where you can actually have an orgasm. Personally, I have to be able to relax first before I can have an orgasm. I'm not sure, with meds I guess you always just have to weigh the pros and the cons.

Either way, I would definitely advise talking to your doctor about the meds you're on and asking what he/she thinks about the possibility of trying alternatives.

Also, one thing I've learned after almost 20 years of dealing with mental health practitioners is to make sure you have a great 'shrink'. It's really important that your doc helps you to feel comfortable talking about any and all concerns you have. Also, make sure yours is willing to really listen to you and what you, yourself know about your mind and your body. Some doctors, especially psychiatrists, have a bit of a "God Complex" and tend to presume they know their patients better than their patients know themselves. This is never true. Sorry to go off on a rant, but I can't believe hopelessly wrong a couple of psychiatrists I've had were. They need to be willing to listen to you, process what you're saying and consider your concerns and suggestions before making recommendations. Sorry to lecture but it really is important. It sucks wasting many years of your life taking meds that do more harm than good only to later discover that it was mostly because you had a lousy doctor.