Hi Marrena,

I have a strange and typical problem, judging from some of the posts and your replies.

It appears that the norm is for the male to have the over-active libido while the female struggles to keep up - or often times, in frustration, ceases to try, and wishes it would go away. I can relate.

My spouse of 18 years is almost proud of her diminished libido and tells me that once a year would be fine with her. She says I do such a good job, and she simply doesn't need it very often. I'm not buying that line. To let you know, I have read the books on tantra and studied the "lotus" sites online. I keep a little bag of oils beside our bed. She gets the full-body massages and the romance. I am not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of guy. Just to get that out of the way.

What's even more weird is that she has an almost 100% success rate with vaginal orgasms. She has one nearly every time we make love. She is capable of clitoral ones, but doesn't like those - as she would rather have the internal ones. So apparently she is in the minority among women? And yet - sex never seems to grab her till she is already in the moment.

I have tried to grab her with everything from g-spot stimulation to soul-gazing(what could be more romantic?).

It's like hitting a brick wall.

I don't know what to do or where to go from here. Any ideas?

Lincoln

Let me get a handle on the situation. How old are both of you and how often do you have sex?

Hi Marrena,

We are both forty years old. Usually once or twice a month. Three times would be a rare month indeed.

Lincoln

Twice a month is women's general rate when they have low libido--once right before menstruation and once at ovulation.

Has she tried my diet? It usually works very well on women my age. Might be an SHBG issue. Is she on any medications including hormonal birth control, or does she have any health issues?

First Marrena, thank you for responding so quickly to the posts. And also for being a wealth of information. I really have no one else to discuss this with!

You nailed it. We make love right around the time she has her period and ovulates.

As for your diet, this is a new thing to me. I was thinking about this, because she does all the cooking. How do I interest her in your diet? She has become very health-conscious in the past year. In fact, she has under the care of a physician, lost about fifty lbs. She really looks good.

She does take a prescribed appetite suppressant, but I think she has become more irregular in her usage. She used to take them like clock-work, and nowI think she takes them on an as-needed basis. Other than that, her worst drug is an aspirin or Tylenol.

She is as healthy as - but looks nothing like - a horse.

Oh yes, the lack of libido began long before the appetite suppressants came along.

Thanks,

Lincoln

I'm pretty sure the appetite suppressant is probably hurting her libido.

Also a lot of dieting can impact libido, depending on the foods. If she is eating soy in particular that can affect libido.

Get her my book--it's very persuasive and written to appeal to women.

Thank you, Marrena.

I have checked your book out at Amazon. I'm going to try to find it at my local Barnes and Noble and purchase it there.

Lincoln