What is the best way to seduce a man?

I ask this because my man & I are in a low spot and I want to jump start our sexplay, but I honestly am unsure about ways of romantically seducing him. I'm talking about something more than wearing the sexy outfits and looking hot.

I fully understand every person is different and what one person sees as a turn-on may well be a turn-off for another so I'm asking for generic (?) ideas that I can mold into my own.

I'm grateful for any suggestions offered though I can tell you this- we are not into swinging or any variation thereof, so please don't suggest that.

Thanks much!

Try making him feel like conquering hero. If he feels like a failure find out why and help him fix the problem. But make sure you only help - do not solve the problem for him. He must be the one to succeed, and to experience the rush of testosterone that comes with achievement. Then you will not be able to keep his hands off you. I guess it might take a long campaign on your part though - all day and every day. My wife seems to do it all the time. Perhaps I am a near hopeless case and need all that admiration (or maybe I really am a superman and get it because I deserve it!)

I think you are right about sexy outfits not having too much effect. I find them demeaning myself and anyway would rip them off immediately, thus making them a complete waste of money!

Go for a short weekend get-away where you’re outside of your natural settings (home.) This doesn’t have to be expensive, in fact a basic motel can suffice nicely. Where do people go in your area to get away? Getting away will be good for the relationship. When you’re out, get more physical with your man. Hold his hand, rub his arm, and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. This will generate new energy that you can take to the bedroom. Also, I disagree with the assessment that nighties and sexy undergarments are not good. Men are highly visual creatures, (this is why porno is so popular), and as such, highly susceptible to stimulation. When you’re out together (in that motel) wear something sexy (that he’s never seen before) and this will add a new dimension to your love-making.

Hey, Huntng40s!

I know you are probably soliciting advice from men, but, I may be able to help. Yes, men are highly visual creatures! The nighties are great but I find they do come off rather quickly and I find myself wondering why I bother.

I like to wear sexy panties and bras. This way, they are on all day and when my guy gets a peak, it's all he can think about. That way, I feel like I haven't wasted money and they don't come off immediately...until we hit the bedroom, or whatever room will work!

Something else that I've found to be a turn on for both of us is when I am the initiator, in a very forward way. Most men aren't about the sweet whispers...they do it for us. Without knowing your nature, I'd say, be more aggressive and talk dirty...works for me every time! My guy loves knowing that I can't keep my hands off him and I just want sex.

I'm sure I'll hear about it if I'm way off!!

I really shouldn't have just asked the men for advice and I thought of that after I posted it.

Thank you all for the feedback, I appreciate it and I'll put some of it to use shortly.

I have thought about the 'get away' idea, had plans in the making when I was laid off from my job so now money is an issue; I put that on the back burner for now.

As for the other ideas- I will try some of them and I really do thank you MP, Calboy & Dandelion for helping me out!

Hunting40s -

You need to say a bit more about where you think the "rot" set in. Normally a woman who is up for sex is quite a turn on. If your enthusiasm is not making him want to jump on top of you, I feel other trick might not work.

However, if he has a kink or sexual preference, you could say we have not tried xxx in a while. If my wife initiates anything like that, I get really hot

But unless he is very unusual, romantic does not equal sexy to a man. SEX is SEX.

I would be interested in hearing more...

God I love women always Hunting4O's. Anyway I may be a bit different from other guys - don't know. But I am into romantic / private encounters. I'd say plan a night to spend with him - special. While he is at work. Get rid of the kids and other distractions - make alone time. Fix yourself up really nice dress and underwear wise as well as your hair, etc. Light some candles, etc. When he comes home, greet him with desiring attention and a deep passionate kiss. If he asks you what that was all about, tell him you have called a special night to celebrate 'us'. Have something for dinner like sushi. It is very light - won't make you tired and is kind of sexy food IMO. You can drink beer, wine, or some saki with it to get started in a mood. Whatever you pick for dinner make it simple, light, and not too much work - perhaps pick up from a nice restaurant. After you finish your meal - offer desert. No, not you - at least not just yet. Pull out some chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. Yep, that's the ticket. Go through the bottle and berries - naturally you will be talking and staring in each others eyes. You can feed them to each other if you like. You might try the trick where you take a small gulp of champagne in your mouth and lean over to kiss him. When you do exchange the champagne in your mouth with him in a deep kiss. Somewhere along the way you can loosen some of your clothing to show off your exciting very sexy underwear - and do whatever is necessary to get him involved. I doubt that will take much at this point - he may be all over you long before now.

I've always loved champagne and sex - well and chocolate and strawberries go nice too. I've had some great memorable times with the ladies in my life going that route.

Oh, and as the rest said, be a bit aggressive. Act like you are really horny and really want him.

Let us know how this works if you try. I'll be surprised if this doesn't cause a blast off in your relationship slow down.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Oh!!,

That sounds like a great evening Oh!!, but supposing there is some deeper underlying problem, as Marky777 and I suspect? Hunting40s could suffer an embarrassing rejection. Don't forget Hunting40s is already attractive to this man, and she now has the glowing skin and lustrous eyes that would drive any normal man wild with desire. There must be something else goin on. Perhaps he has lost a lot of money, been bullied at work, or maybe some health issues are about to surface.

Right. My suggestion is based on the idea there isn't some other problem that needs to be solved first, and that the two of you have just been busy and distracted - gotten away from the basics of your relationship and you just need to rekindle the fire.

<ahem> Yes, well... Dandelion you are partially correct. Let's just say things have not been good between us in the sex department for over a year now.

Briefly explained- due to stresses within my life I lost virtually all my libido, therefore I wasn't at all interested in making love and so rejected his advances; he now feels rejected and his ego is crushed (his words) to the point where he isn't easily aroused (though the need is there) and neither of us know how to re-connect or rekindle that part of our life. The things we used to do don't do it for either of us anymore, so we need to figure out new ways of approaching the subject, as it were.

Frankly I'm still under a great deal of stress and my libido isn't as high as I would have hoped, so the times I do want to make love and make advances towards him are important to me and sad to say most times we don't do anything about it. He's too tired (his business has become extremely busy lately, and very draining to him due to the constant meetings, decisions, etc.) and I'm feeling rejected by him because of it; I'm being too subtle in my suggestions; and so on.

And no. He is not having an affair, or in the beginnings of one, and neither am I.

There are too many factors to go into here, and I don't want to air too much dirty laundry to the public at large though I've already said too much, I think.

We talk. A lot. We are trying to figure out how to work around this and how we can re-connect in this manner. And in the meantime, things are not good with us and aren't really getting better. Which leads me to my question: Can you suggest anything?

>...his ego is crushed (his words) ...

Given a glimpse of the struggles you have both been going through I am not surprised.

If you have not already done so it might be worth considering the vast literature there is on how to succeed in business, to manage stress, and to organise your life. There is most likely a section devoted to these subjects in your local public library, or bookshop.

>...the times I do want to make love and make advances towards him are important to
me ..

It sounds as if your advances, which would normally meet with incredible enthusiasm, might appear to your man as one more demand or challenge. Another test he stands a
good chance of failing.

>We talk. A lot.

That must be a good sign, but is there a danger of talking so much you go round in circles?

I know this sounds weird, but sometimes it is good to write out an agenda and take notes, just as if you were handling a business meeting. I have known one or two men who make appointments with their wives (strange though it may sound considering they see them every day without an appointment!)

This way you can, together, tackle your problems one by one and devise a plan for the
next few months. Work priorities, diet, exercise, finances etc.

>We are trying to figure out how ... we can re-connect in this manner.

It just might be worth forgetting about full sex for a little while, at least until you have
made progress with the other issues you mentioned.

Keep up the cuddles and kisses, and perhaps, making clear that you do not expect anything to come of it, snuggle up to him and give his morning erection an appreciative caress now and then, even if it subsides.

>Which leads me to my question: Can you suggest anything?

If your man is open to the idea he might join up with thundersplace.org. There are many people there who have faced similar problems and are much better fitted to give advice than I am. You could join up too.

That was where I first noticed Marrena’s posts and learnt about the value of fish oil.

Hunting -
I think I may be able to shed some light on this. It is due in part to the slowness of the male brain!

When you were rejecting his advances, he felt choked up and thwarted. Then by the time you decided to work on your libido, he was well into "being rejected" mode, and has not fully woken up to the fact that you have moved on. So I don't think either of you need to try anything new.

What you need to do is keep sending him the same "I am horny" signal over and over again until he "gets it". In the meantime, you can keep your libido high by fantasising and reading steamy novels.

First off, a big Thank You to both Marky777 & Dandelion! And also to MafiaPrincess; Thanks, Lady. I appreciate your support, too!

Dandelion- No it's not at all surprising that he is feeling the way he is; as I said this has been going on for over a year now and he tells me he thinks I'm not attracted to him anymore. Sad to say, sometimes he is correct, though I haven't told him that.

I've learned that much, at least.

You and Marky777 have given me some sound advice which has given me a better look at, and understanding of, the male psyche and his ego. For that, I am grateful.

There is more going on than I choose to write about here, and I think it's best that I don't; it's too private and if I do so I'll be crossing some of our boundries. We have enough problems going on, I don't need to add that to the list.

Marky777- He 'gets it'. I've frankly told him I'd like to make love with him. He will agree, and then nothing happens. I've made it clear (or so I thought) that I really wanted to be with him, and... nothing. He has said he thinks I need to take over and lead the way, and that makes me very uncomfortable because I feel as if I'm not at all attractive to him if I have to do that.

It's almost as if we've switched roles- he's passive and expects me to be the initiator. This is not at all attractive to me and I get so turned off by his passiveness that no, I don't want to make love anymore.

And so it goes, around and around to the point where he is asking me if I even want to be in this relationship because it looks to him as if I don't.

And this is so unfair to him because I can't tell the full story and what I'm writing is making him sound like a wuss who is so self-centered that he can't be bothered anymore!

Auugggghhhh <ripping hair out by the roots>!!!

I'm so frustrated!

Thanks for letting me vent. And for reading through it. And helping.

I better go now before I really violate our boundries and put my life story on the internet!

I'm finally jumping in here.

I try to stay out of giving relationship advice, but I can give advice about being on my diet. In particular, in my own case having VERY high libido has made me extremely aggressive in bed. The men seem to enjoy it, and it feels very natural to me.

So if you stay on my diet things may naturally work themselves out.

quote:

Marky777- He 'gets it'. I've frankly told him I'd like to make love with him. He will agree, and then nothing happens. I've made it clear (or so I thought) that I really wanted to be with him, and... nothing. He has said he thinks I need to take over and lead the way, and that makes me very uncomfortable because I feel as if I'm not at all attractive to him if I have to do that.

Actually he does not "get it". Not on a heart and cock level. I don't know what you mean by "nothing happens" Do you mean he does not initiate, or do you mean he does not get an erection?

Also, on re-reading the above paragraph, I notice that now YOU are saying HE is not finding YOU attractive. So here we have 2 people accusing each other of the same thing. But the good news is: - it ain't broken, it's just that the two of you have gotten into an ego game where both of you have put up a barrier to the other.

If the answer to my question above was simply a matter of initiation and not erection problems, then it is obvious that each of you is waiting to see who will blink first. If I were you, I would take the moral high ground, be the adult and make a move on him.

I was involved in an identical situation, but like you don't want to spill it all over the 'net, but you can PM me on my forum - My user name is Mark.

www.slowlane.info/forum